Thanks guys, sorry I didn't reply sooner, I've just been sheltering myself from pretty much everyone.

Rohag & Shezbut - I have a problem with therapists. I don't want to sound cocky when I say this, it's just the way I've felt with any therapist I've ever met. I always feel a bit intellectually superior to them, and I say that as humbly as possible. Like, having to explain the meaning of certain words to them, or realizing that they're not "with the times" and the advice they're giving only applied 10 years ago. Every therapist I've been to has been a much older guy that I cannot relate to in the slightest amount. And now I'm supposed to try to relate my most sacred and inner feelings to them? I just couldn't honestly do it, I always held back. I can just never drop those innermost feelings and when I do let a little of it out, what I feel is a huge event to them is always just a nod and a "go on". Not to mention the feeling of being told "times up" while you're in the middle of something you feel is extremely important. I've just always felt therapy is a business, with no real compassion from any therapist I've ever dealt with. Perhaps I've just had bad therapists, perhaps I just don't trust anyone, I dunno.

Freak - It helps a bit to hear that you identify with some of my problems. Then I remember how much it sucks to feel the way I do, and wish I got no replies from people who can identify. Hope you can find a way to keep pushing through it, and if you do please share!

Stefano - Thanks for not sugar coating it and being honest. I do much better with the reality of things than dancing around the issues. I know my burden isn't impossible to drop, and the funny part of my burden is it's all internalized and personal. I have absolutely nothing that I feel guilty about over my actions towards others, I've never harmed anyone for my own benefit and I've always been as fair and honest with others as I can. I suppose that's another part of it, I've tried to live by the golden rule "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you". But, it never works out that way and my own standards and values have on many occasions led to me being manipulated, used, and walked over simply because I refuse to lower myself to certain levels. This, I'm positive, is part of the reason I've shut myself off from the world. I appreciate your compliment also, thank you.

Lynn - I'm not in school, haven't sat in a single class in college. There's a long, boring, story full of excuses to go along with the reasons, but I'll spare you. Thanks for the compliment about my other posts. I have always been this way, I'm very good at helping others with their own problems and I've been told I give great advice. But when it comes to myself, I just can't take in anything that I've said to others. My self image is... bad to say the least. Pile a lack of confidence, a defeatist attitude and a complete lack of friends onto that and I guess you get a pretty miserable person.

Concentrating on my day by day is even worse for me. My life has degenerated from 45 hour work weeks, my own apartment, "loving" girlfriend, and lots of (what I thought were) friends from work, to living back at home with my mother, unemployed, single, with absolutely no purpose in life. I know, I'm just sitting around on the pity pot complaining about my life, but my life really sucks right now. It's like somewhere someone noticed I was having too good of a time and decided they didn't like it, so over the course of 2 months they systematically disassembled my life until it was crappy enough for them to be satisfied.

There were a few things I was passionate about, none of them have any meaning anymore. I swear, I don't understand women today. I did everything within my power to make my girlfriend feel like the most beautiful, important, loved and respected women I possibly could. Well, that all changed when I lost my job. I didn't have the money coming in to keep working towards our end goal, and she decided I wasn't worth it anymore. Dropped me like a sack of bricks. That was my passion, and I know it's unhealthy to invest so much emotion and hope into another human being, but deep down I just want to love someone, and be loved in return. That is all that I hope for out of life. I don't care if I'm a millionaire, I don't care how many cars I have or how big my house is. I just want love, and I'm never going to find it in the shape I'm in.

Please do PM me that website if you think it would help, I'm open for anything.

I jumped around a LOT here and this post is probably an incredible mess. Pressing submit anyway.