Kureha...I know its human nature to try and please other people, but you are expecting alot out of yourself when you say you may be a dissapointment to your therapist. It sounds harsh, (tough love) but you are not there to please her, you are there to learn coping skill from her to help deal with your issues. You dont want to lose her, but you also need her help. Ask her how she can help you cope with the feelings you are having. If she has no coping skills for you, then move on. If you feel that people are trying to kill you, then this is how you feel, and these feelings are very real to you. Now I didnt say realistic. I used to think my dad was spying on my sister and I and I was actually up on a chair inspecting every inch of the cealing for tiny hidden cameras. I put caulk over everything I thought might be a hole. Was he spying on us, no, but the feelings were so real to me that I went to extreme measures to deal with it. Im sorry but I have to say again that it is utterly impossible for me to understand how a trained therapist cannot understand that the feelings we have are very real to us. Thats why it is called paranoia. I have to agree that you need your meds, including the adjustment your Dr. made to them so that you can feel more comfortable in your own skin and to prevent any negative reactions you may have to the feelings you are experiencing. Without the meds you will most likely get worse. Remember, you are working towards getting better. Try and remind yourself that your feeling are just that, feelings,and emotions flaring up, and that nothing bad is going to happen to you. Please start taking your medicine again unless you feel it was making you worse, then get back to the p-doc as soon as possible....