So, I have been building to this point in my therapy since last, hmmm, don't know, maybe January...?!

It seems the ebb and flow of my therapy is like that...a few months building trust, resisting, focusing, denying, moving closer and closer to a memory, part or parts, working on present and past things and then for a few sessions there is this outworking of the trauma or a part and a few more resists. All the while between sessions there is a living out the last session.

And then there is this like necessary time of rest, kind of living the outcome of the process. Sometimes longer or shorter. Kind of like a breather and I see how I manage with the internal changes, sometimes better, sometimes worse. In the meantime I attend my AACOA, attend to family and friends and work and now it's summer so that is nice.

I like to help my therapist with something that happens in the summer and gives me a sense of all this work can maybe be of some help.

I read here on PC and get ideas of how you all manage as well and receive comfort and care and try to give some when I am feeling a bit stronger.

I know there is more living to do and walking out the daily path but I just can't look at it all a once. There were a couple of years of 2 appointments or more per week for a couple of hours at a time. it was hard then, and this is hard in a different way but I need to keep putting one foot in front of another for the sake of let's see, me and them.

I need to do some really nice things for me all along the way too and daily.

Just rambling here a bit but wanting to walk barefooted along the beach and not be totally consumed by processing but looking at all the beauty around me. Saying and being thankful. Working out the hard parts while more calm.

It will be better, soon.