I have been browsing this forum today and came across many that I can relate to.

The last one I looked at was about ugliness.

Now, all my life, ppl told me I was pretty and attractive, at least on the outside. They would say, "Billi you are so pretty, why don't you smile more?" or one time, "Too bad you are so ugly inside cause you are so pretty."

I have learned that the inside is what counts, so I feel now that I really am ugly. Maybe I really do have a "black heart".

i am attempting to think though that I am just sick, not bad. It's so hard, though, when I still think ppl are avoiding me or hate me.

When my last therapist abandoned me, it really hit me.

"What is so wrong with me?" I keep asking.

Then I say to that voice, "Thank you, shame. All you do is destroy me more. I want to live!"

My 12 step sponsor says there is the potential for good and for evil in all of us.

With that in mind, I can go on.

No one is pure evil.

Billi