possum220 mentioned emotional abuse and looking under rocks...

Looking under rocks and worrying what I'll find. I'm afraid to even look at the rocks, much less under them! I'm all about ignoring the rock's existence till I trip over it! It's good to hear that maybe I don't need to be so afraid of those rocks...maybe a rock is just a rock...and not a hidey place for something scary.

I'm still denying the depth and breadth of the emotional abuse. It lasted my lifetime...until very recently (long story). I know it was not intended. On the contrary, I know my parents wanted the best for me. I guess emotional abuse is a whole other topic! I don't much like thinking about it.

I just feel so sad, so scared, so alone. I'm tired of hurting myself physically and mentally. I'm tired of always feeling so badly. I want to get "better," but I don't know what that means or how. I'm afraid to trust my T more than I do, which for me is a lot, but my a lot is what most would consider only a little.

I know I've managed to keep myself alive, relatively sane and sort of functional to this point (wow, that's a depressing string of words). But I think I'm afraid to give more of myself over to my T and to trust in his knowledge, training and expertise. I'm so good at denying. Everything is fine, I told myself; until everything fell apart. I know I can't fix it. How do I let someone else help?

Elysium mentioned, if correctly diagnosed, this could be the first step toward getting found rather than getting lost in the diagnosis as I fear.

What happens after you accept that you have DID? How do you accept it? I'm confusing myself... what am I doing by accepting I have DID? I know many of you have said there really is no difference in as much as you've always had it. But what difference does it make. For those with DID, did it change your perception of yourself? (btw, I'm really good at making mountains out of mole hills!)

I guess I'm getting past the point of making much sense. Thank you all for your kindness.