|
May 22, 2010, 07:42 PM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Aug 2007
Location: Lily Pad, USA
Posts: 4,025
|
|
Can you see them?
At first they were only tiny droplets blurring my vision before trickling down my cheek. Then the gentle droplets turned to sobs and whimpers. Soon they gave way to wails of torment. My entire body and soul are crying out in pain. Why, oh why was I so stupid? How could I have let down my guard?
I’ve learned the lessons well. You must be ever vigilant and alert. That dark hopelessness and worthlessness of my disease lay in wait for the tiniest moment of weakness. You must be constantly watchful for the signs that send you spiraling downward.
The constant drumming into my head at therapy session after therapy session, “Never let your guard down. Think positively. Reinforce positive thoughts with actions.” Yes, I know. I know this as well as anyone.
But I’ve failed yet again. With a simple blink of an eye, I’ve returned to the suffering and torment of my disease. Beaten, defeated, discouraged, frightened, lonely, lost, these are the words driving my life.
There is this emptiness inside. I feel like the tree that has been gutted by fire. The trunk and limbs still stand on the hillside but the inside is black and hollow. With nothing left to nourish the tree it is already dead.
 kebs
__________________
 kebs
|