I can feel a manic phase developing and lurking on the fringes of my mind. Early symptoms: talking way more than usual...I've been on the phone all day, talking to different people for hours at a time. Increase in sex drive. spending money that I really shouldn't be spending, feeling like everything that I was worried about just yesterday can easily be taken care of because I'm so good with solving all my problems (yeah right). Feeling anxious...like I should be doing something but I don't know what.

I don't dread these phases as much as I used to. At least I'll get things done around the house that need doing, i'll make appointments that I need to make, start my job search...all things that I should have been doing but couldn't find the energy or motivation to do.

It's not so bad right now, but I hate the feeling of KNOWING that it's coming and having to FEEL myself crossing over. That in between feeling...makes me feel really weird. Once i'm there, I don't think about it, it just is, I don't worry and my thougts, though they are racing even faster they are more positive than negative.

What's also really weird is that my family doesn't seem to notice the difference. If they do, they never say anything and I wonder if they even care. I know they enjoy being around me more when I'm manic so maybe that's why they don't say anything, like they think I might stop if I knew they liked me better when i'm manic. Maybe it all just ties into the fact that they don't really think I'm sick, like I don't really have a problem and if they ignore it then it doesn't exist. I don't know I don't know I don't know. Anyway, for some reason I feel like singing that song by Phil Collins "I Can Feel It Coming In The Air Tonight". Oh crap! Should I have used that little trigger sign? I'm sorry. I think I'll refrain from posting anything else until this passes or unless someone tells me I didn't make a big mistake.