thanks you guys, I knew you would understand.
googley, I've thought of doing that but I'm afraid she would answer, and then I'd be like...uh...hi?

I would love to call her just to hear her voice. I know she is still there and if I needed her I could call and she'd be there, but part of me is just so needy and sad and scared and....well, it's only a couple days now until T time.