Last year I was feeling suicidal because my dear elderly Mom almost died 3 times on of them I had to drag here half dead accross the floor. She is a 35 year recovered alcoholic, whom amost OD on Oxy for back pain, and my Dad is Bi-Polar but refuse to take his meds. I am a recovering additict too, 10 years smoking pot as a teen through 20's with binge drinking too.

I don't have these huge swings but I have them, I have always been moody. My mind was racing last nigh and I went vocally basaltic on my poor wife, and properly apologized. I couldn't sleep even after 4 sleeping pills. I chose my wife besides her beauty and great person, she is a great influence, but she doesn't understand. She is from Europe and they don't believe much in talking to professionals for help.

I worry because I am an addict, now a food addict, because it calms me although I am fat now, LOL. Everyone of the self test say fit the profile for someone whom is bi polar. The thing is I am highly functionally and have been very successful in life. Can someone tell what else I should consider as to whether or not I am bi polar? I really don't want to be but with 3 suicidal thoughts last years and raging anger I want to find out what's going on. I am afraid they will just give me drugs and say bye. I only want them if I really need them. Thanks for listening I needed that.