Thanks for the support ((((granite)))) ((((WePow)))) ((((bloom))))

granite, I don't want to call my T about this. I just don't want to take up her time outside the office with this stuff when really it needs a full discussion in a session. The main thing I want to do is call her and ask, what do I do next? How do I handle this now? But she can't make my decisions for me. Honesty with him, yes, is going to be important here, but how much/what kind of honesty? What do I need to tell him right now? I did text him, to tell him I had fun (sigh, I just needed to text him something).. he texted back that he wants to take me out to a show sometime.. I don't know. I guess that wasn't honest.

WePow, I read your post earlier and I've been trying to think about it in that way, like this is an opportunity to problem-solve, step in and change the pattern, since I've seen this happen in my life before. Thanks so much for giving me that perspective because I have been trying to use this energy constructively.

Can someone tell me if this plan sounds right?

I'm mainly trying to temper all the emotions that are coming up right now.. The rejection fears are very overpowering but I am NOT going to act according to this fear. It's just going to have to be there and I'm just going to have to keep my hands off my phone. I am NOT calling him or texting again. He's calling me to initiate the next date. Then, at the next date, we don't go so far. If he tries to go further than just second base stuff, I'll stop it and explain that after a night of drinking and dancing, it was hard NOT to jump the gun, and I really would rather take things down a notch. I think that I will be able to do that. To take back the wheel.

Whew. This reasonable? I've been thinking about this all day. I really, really want to make the right decisions this time.

bloom, I just feel really bad that I went straight from therapy to this date and did exactly what I told myself I wouldn't do. It's just hard NOT to be hard on myself when I screw up like that. But I wouldn't be in therapy if I didn't have flaws to work on. I'm just another human being, trying to be a better person than I've been before. The worst thing to do is to get depressed about what I did and let it set me back even more.

I think you're right about drinking. On dates, drinking should be just one. I actually have never been one to have a hard time with addiction (I smoked cigarettes for a year and quit with relative ease) so I think it's doable to keep myself to just one. Thing is, I never would have gotten up and danced if I hadn't had two or three drinks. Never. I'm just too shy. So I guess this means no more dancing on dates, either. There's just no way I can dance in front of people without alcohol.