I remember telling T about my "dirty secret, the one that had solved me to sleep for most of my adult life, the one where my "special person" of the moment would come to me as I lie dying. Once I told T that she said about me feeling like I am not entitled to just be loved, that I have do something to earn it.

It took me 5yrs to talk about that. I can still use moments that have happened in therapy to soothe me to sleep though, the difference now is they are coming from a more real place.