I hear you. I bet you did not think you would get a response so soon. I have been up at o'dark thirty in a really bad place before too. I guess it is my turn to be there. If things get really bad, can you reach out and contact a crisis hotline? It is always good to have a fail safe plan when we get down so low. I am really sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. Perhaps maybe doing some journaling in the meantime might help? I should be up for a bit longer. I will check back with you in a few ok?