i'm including your original definition so i can remember what the focus was... forgive me, the dilaudid makes me about as sharp as a marble

i wonder if you are using freedom as synonymous with courage... it's how i am reading the ability to do what has to be done. It took me most of my life to recognize that i was very brave. i mistakenly thought that being brave meant being fearless... but not true, being full of fear and acting anyway is courage.

i have found myself being more able to stand outside of that cold, overloading fear though... not that i've lost courage, more like i sometimes am graced with enough strength to move beyond it. Rare, but it has happened. When it does i find myself more focused on the larger picture and on gratitude... i find that last bit is so deeply important to me lately.

sometimes i think about whether a specific "crisis" will mean so much to me in a year, or two or ten....

and it sounds trite, and can be read as minimizing, which is not the intent, but i take some comfort in knowing that if it doesn't kill me, then i will handle it somehow.. even if i handle it badly. Every crisis feels like a crisis, but we survive it... how much we feel whole after each one is more in our grasp. We can't control how or when crisis comes, just what perspective we put it in.

if the people you love are alive and well, if you are going to survive the moment... then it isn't as bad as it feels. People can make it through a ton of stuff...

i read a book recently... a book i would hesitate to recommend because of his take on certain things... but he had a valid point(s). He said to focus on the positives and on love to move forward. It doesn't mean that those thiings will fix the concrete situation but they give you strength and maybe some of that freedom. He said we don't have the ability to dwell in both love and fear at the same time... which i mostly agree with... if we focus on how much we love someone or something we have less ability to be lost in fear of whatever crisis is at hand.

i think im babbling..... i should probably stop

i'll think on it pach... maybe others have suggestions as well... i think it's a noble thing to aim for... freedom