Fartraveler, what kind of community would you join? It sounds like the community pre-exists, rather than a community you would build one friend at a time (your own personal community of friends). I am intrigued by the idea of joining a pre-existing community.

In the last few years, I have tried to make friends with people I really wanted to be with and share with and who I had sincere interest in getting to know better, rather than random folk who walked through my life but might be the opposite of supportive and thoughtful and positive. I did want more intimacy and honesty in my relationships. I wasn't ready to look for a romantic partner, so I tried with friendships. Before this I had very limited friendships as I had withdrawn from almost everyone as my marriage deteriorated and I became more and more depressed.

My success has been limited. I have formed continuing acquaintanceships with several people but have not been able to take it to the next level of friend. I think this is due to my inattention to the relationships. Friendships really need to be nurtured and I haven't done that, beyond the initial establishment of the relationship. I meet these people, am able to take it to the next level beyond "person who I happened to meet" and email a bit with the person, perhaps go to an event together, or meet up for some reason, but then I don't follow through and continue with this. If I happen to run into these people, we stop and talk for a while and are both really pleased to see each other. But that's it. I am super busy and can't make time to nurture these friendships. I know the fault is mine.

I guess I just somehow have to make this a greater priority, and if I don't, it won't happen. I think that is why I was intrigued by your mentioning joining a community, Fartraveler. You could come into the pre-formed community and not have to do so much of the groundwork. I'm not sure I would like this, actually, but it was an interesting alternative that I hadn't thought of.

For me, I think I can get enough intimacy from friends. A partner can come later, if I am ready, but I don't think is essential for finding emotional intimacy in one's life.

Could I ask you, if you met a person you wanted to be friends with, how would you do that?