I think a lot has to do with definitions, personal perceptions, expectations, and personal education/training. I like the idiot quote :-) "Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it."

How one perceives one's self makes a difference; I noted that a lot of people in a post decided not to have children for fear they would abuse them. I don't know which kind of abuse that was; I doubt that people didn't have children for fear they'd SA children, the type of abuse the original poster was hinting at. I, in minor part, was afraid to have children because I might physically and emotionally abuse them. When I was younger, I did not have enough faith in my ability to control myself when frustrated or, imagine that I could become a less easily frustrated person.

I still have to work on not being controlling (and potentially emotionally abusive) to my grand children and it's my belief that there are few, if any, people who grow up and, someone else looking at their lives/memories/stories would agree with them if they felt they had not been abused. I think one fools one's self it they believe they have been abused but are free from being abusive themselves. Most of the perception is in the eye of the one abused so. . .