funny that... i tell T i want a state of Grace. i'm not religous or especially spiritual, not in any traditional sense that i feel strongly connected to anyways. But i do believe in Grace.. that serenity that descends and transcends.

i strive towards it... and it became more important to me when i began trauma work. it's when i rephrased my statement about worth...

i think we all have it in us, and it puzzles me how we develop in such ways that so few remember their own state of grace, their own experience of their own divine being within. If it feels less scary it can be called a state of calm joy.

and ty shangrala... i wonder though, something you say reminds me of a trap i create for myself unwittingly. i often feel as though i am waiting to find a way to apply this or that and it will get me through... next time. i think this is a mistaken perspective on my own part. i think it isn't something we ever "get to" or master... it's not a destination, it's a practice, a viewpoint. i don't think we will someday be in a place from which it will just work better... maybe i am wrong, but i am beginning to believe that there is literally nothing that is between me and shifting my perspective now and every day forward. Everytime the need arises i think the challenge is basically to accept it or reject it... to attempt or to not attempt, rather than to succeed or fail. Attempting is doing, attempting is succeeding.

nah... i think i was right, i really am babbling