Thankyou guys for replying it really is a comfort when someone replies even if just to say one thing.

I do have a T but I am so embarrased to talk about this. I have never talked about sex with anyone not even in general. My parents didn't give me 'the talk'. I would be more comfortable jumping out of a plane with no parachute than discuss this with anyone.

But I need to get help for these issues so I will write it down in a journal but I will only show it to my T when I am ready. I'm already going to tell him about my abuse. I think that is enough for one session. I don't want to have a panic attack.