>>or I'll win the lottery without playing it.

Yes I know that feeling, hoping that everything will get better or work itself out on its own. But when you think about it, the "working out on its own" solutions are all very bad , so that just adds more stress and more desire to climb into bed.

I haven't been able to get to work in over a week now, either because of it. They just sent me some work I can do at home and I'm going to tackle that right now. At least it will give me something to do other than stay in bed.

Did you read my post update in Depression (what the heck forum am I in right now? Is it depression or health. Darn I can't remember).

Although I have no family to help out and no friends in the area, some distant friends did call social services to visit me last night. They wanted to put me in the hospital... I am not resistant to the idea of the hospital right now but I am resistant because of the idea that if I go into the hospital for a week, things will just be one week's worth worse when I get out with regard to my mail and bills.

Talking with them helped reassure me that in the state I am in, I am not coping well and therefore not dealing well with the situation... and that if I could get stablized in the hospital I would be better prepared to deal with the bills.

That gave me some hope by reminding me of the role depression plays in feeling that it is all hopeless and that I can't do anything to dig myself out of this hole.

I'm not in the hospital, instead they are going to try a new program in NJ where someone will come to my house and I'll be treated like an outpatient. At least it is something for me to look forward to rather than just sitting and waiting.

I'm hoping you can find some relief too. To you see a T regularly? Or is that a problem with your medical bills too... Maybe he can offer suggestions to help cope, and if you can cope better you could find a real foothold on this.

Good luck