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Originally Posted by Changeling412
I want to thank everyone that responded to my post with kind words and advice. Today was not a good day and I feel like s**t. I new the manic phase was coming but I felt so good that I didn't care. Today the anger and irritability kicked in and I yelled at my baby...more than once. I tried not to and she was just being a typical 3 year old but it was like I just couldn't handle her today. I called my niece to try and get her to take her for a couple of hours so that I could try and relax and get myself together but she didn't answer her phone. I feel so bad. I don't want her to grow up remembering a mother that yelled at her all the time. I can't do that to her, she deserves so much more. I'm going to make sure my doc sees me tomorrow, I don't care if I have to sit in the reception area all day, I don't care if I have to make a scene by crying or screaming or whatever. All I know is that I can never do that to her again. Never.
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I know how it feels to go off at your daughter for no good reason, looking at her confused sad face, not knowing how to explain your behaviour to her. My daughter is 6, and the only thing I could think of, was to reassure her that it's not her fault... I know all too well the guilt that goes along with mistreating your precious angel, and it can eat you alive. Luckily mine lead to me finally seeking help. I finally setup an app. (after knowing for 10 yrs that something must be wrong with me) haven't seen the doc yet, but atleast I'll have answers soon...
Find solace in the fact that your baby will remember above all else, that you love her, she will not dwell on memories of you screaming at her. I think makinga scene at reception is not a such a bad idea if it will help you get a handle on things.
I pray that things go better for u soon, and please remember that you have a support base here