RRU96 I really wish there were some magic thing I could say to make you feel better. First of all, I am really sorry about your wife's medical problems. They seem very severe and very scary. That alone would have me in constant panic attack mode, so I really think you aren't giving yourself credit for the stuff you are doing. You are trying to take care of her; that is a good thing. There is going to be a point, for your OWN health and well being, that you are going to have to talk to her about what her expectations of your are and what you are realistically able to do for her. You also need to understand what she wants as far as her health and her treatment plan. As much as it may hurt and you may not like it, she may have decided that she doesn't want to quit smoking. It sucks, but just because you want her to do something (even if its for the best intentions in the world) it doesn't mean she will or that she has to. In fact, if you force her to do something she didn't want in the 1st place (again, even if it is for the best intentions) she is going to be resentful and who knows what may happen as a result.
Is she on disability? Would she qualify for some sort of personal care nurse or social worker that could come to the house a few days a week? Maybe if there were someone to share the workload, while allowing you to give yourself a break, it would be easier to deal with things the rest of the time?
Arg, you bring up so many things in your post and I want to try to address them all and give you advice, but I am manic myself right now and I know that I am coming across as bossy and all, so I am going to try to shut myself up for now.
You are a good person and you are doing the best you can. You are an adult and make your own decisions, your wife is also an adult and makes her own decisions. Its going to be hard, but you have to accept she may not make the best medical choices for herself and as long as she's of sound mind, you are going to have to let her do that.
I hope things get better or that you can find some relief. I'm here if you ever want to talk to me.
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"School is shortened, discipline relaxed, philosophies, histories, languages dropped, English and spelling gradually gradually neglected, finally almost completely ignored. Life is immediate, the job counts, pleasure lies all about after work. Why learn anything save pressing buttons, pulling switches, fitting nuts and bolts?" Bradbury, Ray Fahrenheit 451 p 55-56
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