Perna, I have dreamed about my T before, it's usually abandonment. Not surprisingly.

I really appreciate your input, I hadn't thought of all those opposites. Interesting considering I'm in DBT which is all about dialectics, holding 2 opposites to be true at the same time.

I'm not trying to quit smoking, but I smoke cloves which aren't available in the US anymore so I have to order them from Indonesia and it's a huge PITA. So, again, not surprising that I'd dream about it.

Also, the thing about the police was weird for me because I am afraid of cops and that is tied in w/my trauma, too. Maybe I'm trying to understand that police aren't bad, and I can be around one without falling apart/being triggered?

A lot of my dreams, I'd even go so far as to say MOST of them, are about trying to do something and not being able to do it. Screaming, running, dialing phones and not being able to do it, those are recurring themes almost every night for me. Frustration? A feeling of incompetence, lack of skills? I don't know.

I'm gonna try to talk about this dream w/my T today. It's scary to me to admit to her that I dream about her, that feels really exposed and vulnerable to me. Even after 18+ mos w/my T I still have trust issues and fear being really open with her. But I'm going to push myself to talk about this dream, and maybe even tell her how much I have missed her this week.