I'm so sorry that you are dealing with so many things at one time. It's completely understandable that you are on edge and irritable, bipolar or not. I can see how concerned you are with your wife's health...I'm wondering, how concerned is she? I could be completely off track here, but it almost seems as though she has given up on herself. Going out into the heat when she knows she has heat sensitivity, doing unnecessary things that cause her more pain, falling asleep with a mouthful of food, etc. The smoking thing...well, that's a hard one. It's hard to quit under the best of circumstances, but when you are dealing with any type of illness, physical or emotional, it's going to be even more difficult. I just wonder if she might benefit from some talk therapy? If I remember correctly, you had stated in another post that she is on SSI, so I'm assuming she has state medical benefits? I would imagine that would cover therapy. Like I said, I could be totally off the mark, but from what you've said it seems that she has either given up or is perhaps in denial about how serious her health issues are. Just something to think about.

In the end though, as was stated above, she is an adult and has the right to choose how she wants to live. I know first hand how hard it is to sit by and watch someone ruin their health and know there is nothing you can do about it. The one thing that you can do is to refuse to buy her cigarettes anymore once you reach your quit date and aren't buying them for yourself. If she has someone else buy them for her, as hard as this will be for you, it would not be helpful for you to smoke them yourself or to forbid her to smoke them. Again, she is the only one who can make the decision to keep smoking or to quit.

As for some topics on here being a trigger; there are things on here that trigger me as well. Things that probably don't trigger anyone but me. Those are the posts that I exit and don't read again. And thank you for the compliment, it is much appreciated, but don't throw yourself under the bus! It's easy to come here and try to help others; but I can choose when to respond and who I respond to. Your compassion exceeds mine as evidenced by the fact that you were willing to give up everything to stay at home and do anything and everything to care for your wife. I don't know that I could do that. There aren't a lot of people out there that could. And your determination is astounding. You are fighting for not only your wife's health but for your own. Having meds adjusted, trying to learn how to deal with frustration and irritation and anxiety, reaching out to the people here when you are having a hard time...all of that shows a lot of strength.

As mentioned in another reply, I agree that it would be a good idea to look into finding someone to help care for your wife so that you can have time to get out and relax and just get away from it all if even for a few hours. And don't give up on the disability; they do deny a lot of people when they first apply. The important thing is to appeal the decision (if you are denied) and try to keep a positive attitude about it (yes, much easier said than done!!).

When all is said and done, I think that for the amount of things you are juggling, you are doing a great job. Hang in there as best you can, and come here and vent away whenever you need to. Lots of hugs from my end!