Have you considered calling your pdoc for a med adjustment?
I really don't want to see you spiral out of control into a psychotic episode, or to see you crash into a depression. Please take good care of yourself...I like you and don't want anything bad to happen to you!!
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From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."