I'm sorry for not responding to all of your messages sooner. It's been a stressful week with my grandpa being ill and having to work, so I haven't had time to respond. Thank you for all of your responses.

I've been seeing my T for over 2 years now. We've had some good sessions in the past where I've opened up a little, but I think it's just hard for me to completely open up because I've never done that before. For most of my life I've kept everything bottled up inside and I'm so used to keeping things to myself, staying silent. Part of me is scared of letting someone else in, letting them see what I feel inside, the ugliness included.

I know part of me wants to talk, otherwise I wouldn't have started going to therapy. But I get these negative thoughts where I think I'm not a good enough client, that I'm wasting her time, etc. When I was a teenager I saw a T and there were a lot of times I didn't talk and she got frustrated with me and asked me one day why I bothered coming to therapy if I wasn't going to talk. So I have this fear that my current T thinks the same thing.

I called my T's office this morning and she was booked all day, tomorrow, and Wednesday. So I made an appointment for Thursday, so I guess I'll give it a try again and see how it goes.