Im in therapy now, and last session I did something I really regret now.

GOD IM SO SCARED.

My session is tomorrow, and my T called me up today like an hour ago and told me she really wanted my mom to come into our next session because she needed to hear the other side. Last session I opened up because I couldnt take it anymore...I couldnt take keeping the secret...I told her about my dad beating me and about how my mom told him to...and more things about her
and NOW I REGRET IT.

T told me to trust her, that she wouldnt let my mom do anything to me in the session and that she wouldnt bring up anything I dont want her to, she said she cant bring up anything that I mentioned because all the information is confidential. BUT IM STILL SCARED, THATS NOT WHAT IM AFRAID OF. All she is going to see is my fake motherly wonderful mom, and IM GOING TO LOOK LIKE A LIAR. WHY?! Because in front of people my mom LOVES ME, and tells people she wants me to be happy and doesnt undertand why im so hard on myself..SHES COMEPLETELY DIFFERENT

God I just feel trapped like I did when I was a little kid... when I knew I would get it later....I know my mom is going to pretend to like me in the session and be oh so motherly...im so scared of not being believed. I FEEL SO SO TRAPPED .My T is not going to see the real mom, I hate this feeling OH GOD WHY DID I TELL HER ANYTHING. Im going to get punished for this, if not now ...later....if not by a human, by God I just feel it...I feel it I feel it...I cant stop panicking ...Maybe I should leave a voicemail to my T I dont know!!

I know this is just the internet and you cant really help me but I am so desperate, I feel so trapped and alone. If someone could just tell me they understand, I need someone to tell me they believe me and this is not all in my head and im not just out to get my mom. Now I feel like a manipulator...manipulating people on the internet to empathize with me. god god god....I hate this crap. I dont know how to stop panicking I feel like once again I am alone and unbelieved. I hate this, this is why its better to just beleive I deserve it because Im bad, I just do theres no other way of feeling better if its not that way. Oh god I dont think I can take this trapped feeling any longer