It is interesting to me how you say your wanting love and appreciation is getting in the way of your relationship. An alternative statement might be that your boyfriend's unwillingness or inability to show love or appreciation is getting in the way.

I too came from a home where there were no hugs, kisses, touching, or I love yous. But as soon as I started having romantic relationships, I put all that behind me. That was family. This was romantic partners. I was starved for physical affection so getting it in the context of a romantic relationship helped fill a longstanding need from childhood. So I do think if people want affection, they can show it and receive it even if they didn't grow up with it. If a person is withholding affection, I think they must not want to give it or receive it. I see that as serious stumbling block if that person has a relationship with a person who does want love. I think it is a very big deal.

Kkfk, I think before moving forward toward marriage, you should decide how important it is for you to be with someone who is able to hug and say I love you, who doesn't withdraw if you touch him. Only you know. Perhaps it is not that important to you. If you don't really know what you feel, it might be helpful for you (alone) to explore this topic with a therapist. If you decide that affection is a must for you in a relationship, it seems like going to couples therapy with your boyfriend might be in order.

I have been where you are. I was married for over 20 years to a guy who was not physically affectionate (if I tried to hold his hand, he would not reciprocate, but at best tolerate my holding his hand, which he would let hang there like a dead fish; other times he simply pulled his hand away). He never initiated a hug with me, or a kiss, or an "I love you." He was very withholding in all ways, even including conversations, preferring often to speak in as few words as possible or sometimes not even answering a simple and direct question I might ask. Even during sex, he was a robot, never wanting to kiss or touch during the act beyond the bare essentials. Just the minimum necessary for him to get what he wanted. He would not allow us to have sex unless he initiated, which was rarely. I told myself there was much good about this man and he was worth it to give up affection and expressions of love. But in the end, I was kidding myself. All those years I missed out on being with someone who could feel and express it in even the most basic of ways. Life in the marriage was very lonely. I don't know what I was thinking when I was young, and we were first going out. I think I didn't know myself well enough to realize how important these deficits in him would be to me. I'm glad we're divorced now. I think this knowledge about oneself and what one needs comes with maturity but can be sped along by honest exploration of the topic with a therapist.

Good luck.