aww, thanks ruffy! But don't worry about me too much... i used to let the whole tumor thing really get to me, but i realized that i have made it through so much, medically and otherwise, that i am ok for now. i've gotten excellent hospital care, i'm healing as good as can be expected... and as near as i know they got everything.

i had to really force myself to contemplate all the medical crap i've waded through before this and look at just how i did all of that. i don't give myself credit much and i hardly ever say a good word about myself, but i developed a lot of inner strength enduring some of my previous ordeals. i need to draw on that.

i feel a bit lame... writing this stuff. i mean... i feel like i'm some kind of telethon But all i am hoping is that just maybe just one person at just the right moment will see what i am doing and maybe be willing to give themselves a second chance or even just go easier on themselves.

several people have used the phrase "someone always has it worse" to me privately... and that is true 100% of the time except for that one person who has it worse than anyone else on the planet. But viktor frankl said suffering is like a gas... it fills a person, so that all suffering is equally big to the person. There is no "small" suffering, and feeling bad just feels bad

if anyone is feeling that way... like they can't complain because i am in a hospital for surgery, or whatever... try hard to let go of that. Seriously, i don't know about anyone else but i dont think i ever stop and think that someone else as no right to feel bad.. you know?

what i would rather, and my whole intent in writing this stuff, is that maybe someone can just see that it's possible to be in the middle of a truly difficult ordeal and still have hope, still be finding ways to feel good sometimes.

im going home from the hospital this morning... so i am celebrating with cinnamon french toast and strawberries. Oh hey... look at that, they gave me whipped cream