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I know that I'm not alone, so why do I feel so alone?
I guess I should start with my dad abandoning us. (I was 10). Since then, we lost our house to foreclosure, had 3 repossessions, mom had 2 bankruptcies (which I'm blamed for one), we've been kicked out 2 from renting..and left rental houses 2 or 3 times for money issues. Basically, I have severe change issues. (could also have something to do with my suspected AS). Back to my dad, around here, it's a crime to love him still. So if I bring him up (or anyone else does), my mom calls him names, which upsets me. I've told her how I don't like these names before, but she doesn't care. She's a mean and cruel person sometimes, but other times she's loving (I really think she's bipolar). No one has been their normal self since he left. So, no one listens to my feelings anymore. When I try (which isn't often because of this) to express my feelings, everyone jumps to conclusions. They think I'm "trying" to be like other people. Like I'm "trying" to be "crazy". They think I'm using the internet to diagnosis myself (since I think I have Asperger's), so my mom wants to take my computer (which is all I have...I'm homeschooled,so I have no real friends - and I kinda like it that way). Anyway, mom can't afford a therapist for me, so she thinks she "tries" to talk to me. Now on to her husband: I don't like him. I know that's a normal thing, especially since its a new marriage, but he's a total hypocrite (and I know everybody is at times). He calls himself "my dad" (as if he's taking credit for raising me; he's only known my mom since Christmas, and I don't like it). He always says it, too! And he's too strict! Don't tell me to talk to him, because we've tried, and he's just like that. There's a lot more..but this was more of a vent, and I have to admit after pausing several times to listen to music..and do other things, I feel much better now. I'm now not sure if this is truly depression, or just another Autism meltdown. thank you for reading anyway :].
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