((((treehouse))))

Thank you for posting and I am so sorry you are going through this at this time. I can answer that there are times when things get so loud within my head that it hurts and I cannot hear anything else. At times it gets to the point where they step in front of my eyes and I cannot see. When things get so loud at times the others are seeming to push foreward and there is a pressure in my head that really hurts and until either I, my friend, or my t ask them to step back and that they will be heard too they almost seem to almost break out through my head.

Whenever I get really close to something that is really scary and hard for all within to face sometimes they will push as it is also them facing the memory. Sometimes they need to feel safe and if they do not they are pushing and being loud to get me to listen and hear them. So many times when I used to deny that they were present or existed (back when I was trying to have anything but DID) and I would say they did not exist, my head would become so chaotic and loud from those within letting me know they were there and were not going anywhere, and until I stopped denying them and accepted that they were there the noise did not stop.

When we get close to something and it is something we have not talked about before sometimes it gets very loud almost as if they are not wanting me to go there or they are not feeling safe and are afraid to let anyone know. It sometimes has to do with the threats we received back then and if they feel we will be in trouble or hurt they will become very loud almost as if sounding off a warning that lets me know they are not feeling safe. If I try to talk with them and allow them to let me know what they are feeling then many times it calms down.

I know that for me there is now a difference as to what it used to be when I first knew I had DID, now there is communication within and those within feel safer and know who we are talking to. Before there was no safety and they did not trust or believe we were safe. The headaches were and are very real. Sometimes I still get headaches when we are approaching something that is very hard and when we have never talked about it with anyone. I think they are just protecting us all and many times protecting the system.

For so long that was what they did and they took what I could not so to continue to protect me and what they held they would do what they needed to do to keep us safe. What to do about the headaches I am not sure. Getting to the point that I could communicate within and ask them to step back, to assure them we were okay, and telling them they would be heard too helped. I know there was and still is nothing I can take to stop the pain for it is not a headache that medication can help.

Try to breath hon and know that you are not alone in this. Know that we are here and listening. Listen to yourself and trust yourself and your system. They need to have that safety and feeling of being heard too. I know it is hard and those headaches really hurt and are real. Hope you will keep us posted in how you are doing. Know we care and are here for you.

Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps