SAWE, that was so funny! Yum, ice-cream! I wish, but it wasn't anything that exciting. I love vanilla with caramel running through it, but I've got to go back to watching what I eat. You got to see my grandson, though! He's BETTER than ice-cream--much more yummy.

Thanks, Solar and granite1.

My session was okay, much different from last week's. My biggest problem is feeling disappointment when the session isn't intense. T says our goal in this therapy is to make my real life better so I don't want therapy to replace it. Those weren't her exact words, but that's the idea. I told her I was going to fight her on it. When I left I said I was disappointed and that's why I'm so weird, or something like that (I don't always remember exact words either me or T says) and she said "That's why you're here."

So, I left almost feeling like a Bt session because she's not going to "play my game" with me. She's going to head me back to reality over and over. Of course that's what her job is, and that's what is healthy, but it depresses me. Which gets me back to that's why I'm seeing her.

We talked about my mother but it was hard for me to access any feelings. But I did talk about both my parents and my feelings about them. I just didn't feel anything right there in the session. The "I want Mommy" turned into a discussion about me as a young married adult losing my mother, not about me as a child. She said if it were preverbal, there woldn't be any words to my image. So, I'm not sure where the "your needs weren't met as an infant" fits in. It's more like "you never separated from your mother until she died". We talked about how my Mom was always "there" except for my not confiding in her. Then she suggested doing a collage about her in my next session. She has studied art therapy. I posted in a separate thread about that.

In the beginning of the session, I brought up all my fears and she reassured me everything was okay. Something interesting to me was that she wasn't angry when I said I looked her family up online, but she told me she was scared. She was glad I was honest and told her, but that was her feeling. I feel strange knowing T was scared. That means she can be vulnerable too. I'm sorry I made her feel that way, but I'm not sorry she told me.

This therapy is going to be hard. I'm going over the same material as in my other therapies, but the methods are different. I guess I have to trust the process, right?