I feel just like that (-almost all hope is gone-).

I don't even know how to describe how i feel right now, except maybe numb? I have no specific words to label me, but I do know I'm not really okay right now.. I feel that nothing's ever gonna change so what's the point of going on with this life? But, even when I've been getting yelled at, I find myself not really caring; I just take it all in without showing emotion (or feeling any).

I want there to be a change within me and outside of me. I want to be able to love and to *just be happy* with nothing to fret or worry about. I want to be free and just be able to relax for once in my life.

But I really dont think anything new is going to be happening, which means there can't be a change. I find myself silently crying out to my parents, begging for their help and their love, but when I get so close to reaching out, I cant do it and I retreat to my room to hide out some more.

I really feel like I'm close to breaking down if I cant tell whats been going on with me....... but I'm so afraid that to ask for help, no one will give it to me and, like, if they say no, there won't be any turning back and i will just be stuck.

I'm such a huge optimist, which usually helps me in the end, but right now, i find it extremely hard to look at the bright side. I'm living on almost no hope, and i keep falling more and more into a state of nothingnes, and no one's helping. Looking at a cup of water, there's the whole you're-an-optimist-if-you-think-it's-half-full and there'sthe whole you're-a-pessimest-if-you-see-it's-half-empty. -what am i when all i see is just water thats halfway in a cup, and dont think any more to it and move on to something else?

.. So, maybe I'm not numb, since thats without feeling, but I dont know what to describe me. bitter? upset? hopeless? pissed? confused? unsure? all of the above?


So what do i do, because i really have no and im just so confused and i dont *want* to give up?