Ok, I'm home and have time to respond!
Quote:
Originally Posted by elliemay
Sometimes I think it's not so much feeling the feelings themselves, but the act of not becoming overwhelmed by them.
It's possible that you were inundated by feelings when you were little. You might not have been emotionally equipped to deal with them. The risk of being sucked under by them may have been too great.
As a result, you just decided not to feel. It is easier and safer than risk being obliterated.
However, if those emotions are, in fact, there, and you can access them without going under, then that may make it safe to feel again.
Just my opinion on the emphasis on feeling everything in therapy.
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Gosh ellie, you hit the nail on the head by the OVERWHELMING-ness of feelings. They consume me when I allow myself to feel them, and I can't ever imagine being able to get my feet under me if I let myself feel sad or upset.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
Mostly it will free up the energy you are using holding things in place where they don't belong. What you may have missed with your mom took place "back there" not here but you keep it here by not having ever lived it.
Yes you may/will feel sad, maybe even devastated, lost, lonely, etc. but then you will be through the worst of it, it won't hang around being mysterious like it is now. It also won't happen all at once, your heart and mind are wonderful and where they "protected" you then by shutting down, they'll make sure the reveal goes only as fast as you're able to deal with it now, that you're older and able to care for yourself more/don't need a mom's full-time attention.
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Thanks Perna. What you said about the freeing up of energy is something my T tries to get across to me: that it takes a lot of energy holding everything back, but it doesn't feel like I am! I feel the same as I always do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunrise
Perna's wisdom hits it right on the head for me. That is exactly what has happened for me. I have spent so much energy holding feelings inside for decades that when I finally did release some of my feelings in therapy, I had so much energy for other things in life. A lot of stress and tension was relieved that I didn't even know was there. It's like trying to be a dam and holding back the river. Exhausting.
It has been very healing to feel some of those things from the past. I have also been trying hard not to immediately stuff present day feelings deep inside. I don't want to waste energy holding those inside either. I don't want to add to the backlog and wait to release them in several years time or perhaps never. So I try to feel today's feelings today and little by little, release the past ones. Some day I will be all caught up. 
This kind of therapy is a lot of work, velcro, and can be painful. But for me, at least, it has been worth it. |
Huh. I'm constantly amazed and awed by your insight. It truly is incredible, Sunny. What I bolded is what really struck me. It doesn't feel exhausting to me, but I also don't have much energy for life. I just take that as me being a lazy person.