I read your words and I try... I really try to deal with this in a constructive way. My logical mind is a bit switched off at the moment... Although my brain also knows his pain and the reasons as to why this hurts so bad. I do the things needed to help him from a distance and we drive to see him and he comes home for very short visits... but my heart is crying... bleeding.
He NEEDS to feel better... then hopefully I'll feel a bit better too.
Now I feel the exhaustion after years upon years of struggling along.

Thank you for listening to my cries... I just can't keep it inside any longer.