Yes, Perna, that's exactly what my T has been trying to teach me. It took me years to understand that he was not trying to shift responsibility to me by asking me to focus on my reaction rather than on what he said, and many times I felt even more hurt and angry by what I perceived as his refusal to take responsibility for hurting me.
But he stood firm and eventually I realized that what he was actually doing was trying to help me understand why I reacted so strongly. When I focus on my reaction and not on him (or anyone else) as the cause of my pain, I learn something important about myself and the way I think, feel, and behave in relationships. And that helps me feel more in control of my emotions and my reactions to other people and events that would otherwise easily trigger or upset me.