Marjan~

Perhaps, you are so concerned about being hurt again that subconsciously you are sending out negative vibes (like a shield, of sorts), to protect you.

I've followed much of this thread so far, (sorry for not adding my few worths), and I don't think that you are conducting yourself out of order, whatsoever. I don't think it's a matter of what you're doing wrong, as seems to me, your treating yourself as you should...looking out for #1.

However. it is possible that the greatest obstacle you are encountering is your own fear of heartache, which is perfectly understandable....(I cannot deal with heartache at all. I crumble to it).
And maybe, until you come to better terms with your fear, you will not allow yourself the subjection to any possible pain again....?

Just a thought....

Shangrala