well, this thread took an interesting and unexpected turn. I really appreciate all of your feedback

Perna, I find myself recoiling at your use of the word "steal", but I understand your point. I agree it would be healthier to ask up front for what I need. I am working on that, and I'm making progress, but it's scary. Like JB said, there is the risk of rejection if she says no.

So T actually called me back last night before there were any replies to this thread, so I just went with what my gut and didn't answer. But, her message just said that she saw I called but was unable to listen to the voicemail I left, so could I please call her back.

I should add that in the past my T has left long and involved messages for me, not specifically for me to save and listen to again (because I have never asked for that...) but she doesn't have a problem leaving me a longer message.

Anyway, I called her back and we talked for a little bit, and it was good.

I think, for me, it will be a HUGE step forward to ask for a message from her specifically for the purpose of listening to it again. I am just starting to be able to ask for what I need from T, for instance telling her what I need her to say, etc, and this feels like another step in that journey. So far every time I have asked to have a need met, she has done so willingly and with compassion. I'm going to ask her to leave me a message the next time I need her to, instead of "tricking" her into it.

thanks for helping me sort through this, PC