I talked to my T last night and told her that I was worried that she thinks less of me or thinks I'm bad or gross for the things I shared with her. Wow, that was hard to say. I think I had to stop and start about 5 times and I'm sure she wondered what the heck I was trying to say, until I finally got it out.

She said she doesn't think less of me. That she doesn't think I'm bad. Or gross. She said she suspects part of why that is coming up for me is because I've spent so many years not talking about this stuff, that it's a boundary I have set for myself and now I'm crossing that boundary and it feels "wrong". YES. That was exactly right! I told her "part of me is screaming: we don't talk about this. WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THIS."

I wonder where that "we" comes from? I don't think of it as "I don't talk about this", it's very definitely a "WE". Huh.

Anyway, T went on to say that she not only doesn't think less of me, she admires me for having the courage to do this work. She said she is impressed with my strength and courage. She said I am a survivor. T is so good at the cheerleading thing.