Yes I know why I hate my job. Let me explain.... I am a veterinarian. Wanted to be one ever since I was 3. Never doubted it at all. Got through school almost unscathed. I developed Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome (super long story) around my senior year of vet school. My health deteriorated to the point where I knew I couldn't be a good doc if I was sicker than my patients. I made the decision to take a job working for the government to have a stable schedule and of course the health benefits.

I work in a slaughter house. I have to look at all these animals, determine that they are healthy, and then watch them be slaughtered. I have to do this to ensure that the animals are handled humanely during the process. I also ensure the food supply for my fellow citizens is safe. I know these are things that have to be done, and that they are very important jobs, but I don't feel that God made me to be able to handle this. All I can think all the time is that all I do is watch animals die when I want to be helping them to live. It is truly deeply affecting me.

Also, I have done this job for the past 3 years since after graduation from vet school. "They" say that the first year out of school as a new vet is the most important bc you learn much more than you ever did in school in that first year out. I didn't have this year to reinforce my education. So, if you don't use it you lose it, right. Well that seems to be what has happened. I have been heavily medicated over those three years. Couple that with the fact that all my school info is slowly fading from my memory each day that passes and I have pretty significant memory loss. I feel like I have forgotten every thing I learned in school. I am extremely anxious and nervous about finally being a practicing vet. I have forgotten so much! What if I screw up bc I forget something super important. I know that I will lose animals but I never want to be the cause of that from some stupid mistake I made.

I actually am hoping to change jobs soon. My contract for this job is up next month. I can quit after that. We live half way across the country from my family so we want to move back home. The vet that I worked for through high school and jr. college wants me to work with him. He says it is fine that I have forgotten every thing and he will train me. He says I will know more than I did in vet school in 6 months. I sure hope so... I have accepted the offer, but we have to sell our house before we can move. We have had the house up for sale for 4 months already and haven't seen much action. I know the market is bad for selling right now and the lack of lookers has really discouraged me. Everyone wants to rent or have owner financing but we can't do that as we will be living too far away to keep an eye on the place and make sure it isn't trashed.

So there is light at the end of the tunnel, but also extreme anxiety about the change as well. And I am terrified of how long we have to stay here bc of not selling our house.

Also we hate where we live and have no friends to hang out with. We are isolated from our friends and family and we can't wait to move away from this place. I don't feel safe here (we live next to the border)....