Thank you to everyone who is willing to give me a chance. I am willing to answer your specific concerns privately if you feel comfortable with that, to minimize disruption here.
I don't want to cause problems, and I would expect to be banned if I do. I have found this place to be a source of great support over the past 4 years even though I was terrified to post anything until a few months ago. But if the moderators feel that my presence here is too triggering I will respect their decision.