I can completely relate to this. I hate needing my T too. But isn't it cool that he is there....in those moments when you do get to talk to him, and the moments right after when you actually feel better? Isn't it so nice to feel hope and something other than utter depression and 'aloneness'. I find the "high" from communicating with my T always wears off...but you know what, I like that I have those "highs" in my life - even if they are temporary. Because I am "stuck here" now anyway - at least every now and then I can have, dare I say it, "a moment of happiness". And I think you deserve those moments of happiness too Polarsmom - while you work through things. Yea - sucks to need T, and to have to "pay" for the attention/contact but for now, it is what you need, and it is worth it. You are worth it - and T will help you work through things so one day you won't need him. But for today...he IS there. And doesn't it feel good/comforting to know that?