internally, i want everything to be okay. i want be happy with life and not be so emotionally wrapped around drama. i want to *finally* except that everything DOES happen for a reason. i wanna to be fearless of getting help and speaking up.

externally, i want stuff like relationships, daily crap that bothers me, etc. i want people to stop belittling me and to just *go away*. i want my normal daily life to be changed so then i wont have to do <certain stuff>.

i ^constantly^ worry about scars showing or my parents finding out. even tho somewhere inside of me *wants* help, i still want these secrets to be mine and mine only. i worry that things will never change and i'll just be stuck forever. i worry of the future and where i'll be..

and i cannot relax with all this in my head plus other stuff..