I may be off-base, WePow, but are you having trouble with accepting T's boundaries? It may be my own stuff, but I when I read your post I thought "T is shattering her dreams." He is not there in the way you want him to be. He's NOT your friend. He has limits. I HATE T's limits. You think they aren't there when T is friendly and caring, but then, suddenly, when you need him, he's got his limits and boundaries! That's the way therapy is. I think sometimes Ts tease us like that. Not on purpose, but it's inherent in their jobs.

If he cared, he would have answered your first email like a "real friend" would do.
If he cared, he would have answered to your email with more than "I'm here." If he cared, he would respond to your details and be more interested. If he cared, he would__________ Fill in the blank.
I have struggled with the question of how much T cared, and if she really cared, she would____________. She only cares because I pay her, or: she cares, but she has all these stupid boundaries and limits that are for my own benefit, but I hate them. They're for HER benefit because we're not really friends or relatives, so she can choose to be there when she wants to. T is not going to be mother, father, friend, mate, or anything other than T.

I'm sorry if this is not what it's about, and if I hijacked your thread, WePow. You can tell I have strong feelings about this subject. I would have wanted T to be there more for me, and been heartbroken when she wouldn't have been. But, at the same time, when she disappointed me I realized I had to have real people in my life and not HER, though she was there 100% in my sessions. This is Bt I'm talking about, as well as former Ts. It's the same with Kt. I know it is, though she hasn't disappointed me yet.

I'm sorry you're thinking that life confirms the lessons of childhood. That doesn't sound good. PC people would not disappoint you that way because we WOULD be your real friends. Does this make any sense at all? If not, I'm sending you more hugs anyway because I care about you.