Today was a pretty good session. We were talking about some of my parents' actions during my younger years, and T observed that when I was a teen/young adult, my parents didn't "see" me. I agreed. He wondered if that has changed and if they "see" me at all now (they are both in their 80s). Basically, do they understand me at all now and see me for who I am? (Answer: I don't think so.)
This led to our talking about how important it can be to have people in your life who see you. T said, "I saw you our first time together, and have ever since." I said, "I know. That's why I keep coming here to see you."
When I said that, I knew it was true. I'm not sure I would have given that answer if someone on the street asked me, "why do you go to see your therapist?" but when I spoke the words, there is no doubt they were true. There are other reasons too that I continue to see my T, 3 and a half years after beginning; for example, I still have some significant work to do on the teen/young adult phase of my life.
But, yeah, I think his "seeing" me is a big draw. When I said that to him, I almost felt like I had admitted something I shouldn't have, that the cat had slipped out of the bag. (These days, I sometimes feel guilty going to therapy, because I am doing really well right now, and am indeed very grateful I do not have a mental illness.) T didn't look at all askance when I told him why I came to see him--he was very accepting. It made me feel better (not clandestinely guilty?) to know he accepts that as a valid reason to go to therapy.
He said a lot of the right things today.
He also told me that I was "bubbly" today. No one has ever used that word to describe me.