Today was the last session for a week. As I posted earlier this week, after 6yrs a week is a drop in the ocean, but the build up it to again this time has felt like 2 steps back, I know, I know, the dance of therapy and all that.

We finally "got-into-it" today, and I told her how I've tried to understand the breaks, but I don't, I don't understand where she goes and why? not literally where she goes, and how it feels such a violent act.

T asked me if my mother came and went a lot? I said physcially? no, but emotionally? YES, all the time, I;d walk into aroom and feel my heart in my chest until I found which one of her was there, then I said, thats silly, because our hearts are in our chest, T said, yes but we're not always aware of it, sounds like you were in a hightened state of anxiety, she asked me if my mum physically attacked me? I said no. She asked if there was anything she could do to help me? I nodded no, I wanted to say, yeah hold me or dont go, but I didn't.

We talked some more, than the session ended and home I went. I think I see that today she was trying to help me see where my not understanding here coming and going is coming from. I think its helped me a bit, I dont feel so hung up on T "going" next week, but I know I'm still not there with it yet, but speaking about the confusion and not understanding how people can come and go and it not be personal has helped.