It's funny how some things can get resolved but others not really. When my father married my stepmother when I had just turned five, my stepmother was a stay-at-home mum and when I wasn't in school, took me everywhere with her, etc. I remember meeting her deceased husband's parents even, and have even dreamed about that father-in-law and her dead husband! My little brain got scrambled with so many new people (my stepmother had three younger brothers all living in the same area we did and all with their own children, most of whom were little girls around my age). What still matters to me now is I'm never comfortable in anyone else's home because I was taken to meet so many strangers who were relatives and even left with the new aunts/cousins, etc. but didn't quite understand or believe she'd come back to get me? So, I don't want to get comfortable in someone else's house, maybe I'll be "stuck" there. My husband and I babysit the grandchildren together at their house, it would be too hard for me alone!

I caught myself being aware, in my 20's, of cars coming/going from my parents home and had a sudden insight that I was checking to see if it was my stepmother or father coming/going as I was comfortable with my father being home but not my stepmother, that made me anxious. I think that sounds a little bit like how you felt with your adopted mother being/not being in the room? It's all probably related to the problem of T going on vacation. Being alone in "strange" or adult circumstances and places makes me anxious as I'm not sure who's going to "take care of" me if there's a problem?