you people help me so much, thank you

I took some time to go to the beach before I picked my daughter up yesterday, that helped a LOT. I also asked my older daughter (18) to go the bowling alley with me, and she did even though she had been at work all day and was tired and didn't WANT to.

So the bowling thing wasn't as bad by half as I had made it out to be in my head. I got some looks from the other moms that I could have interpreted any number of ways, but I just focused on my daughter and watched her bowl and play with her friends. It was good. PHEW!!

Last night was hard, lots of nightmares and crying. I was up a lot, but then fell into a deep sleep this morning and didn't wake up until 2 hrs after the hearing. Oooops. I hadn't told my boys I would be there, so at least they weren't expecting me, but I feel like a complete failure for missing it. And because part of me is really relieved that I don't have to go deal with that. Lots of negative self talk going on over that.

But I'm okay. I'm still breathing. I know this is the work, this is IT, and I'm doing it. I have friends IRL and online I can lean on. I have my T I can reach out to anytime. I have you guys who are so understanding. I can get through this. I think.