I was abused throughout much of my life up to my early twenties, but yet I find it very hard to use words such as sexual abuse or rape in relation to myself. Sometimes I can write it but don't ask me to say it. Things like this aren't supposed to happen in small town America. I've been in & out of psych units for nearly half of my adult life. I go in & out of therapy...running away as soon as things get too painful & detailed. I feel better when I don't talk about it, that is until another trigerring event comes up. What good does that due?

I just want the yo-yo to stop. I want to live life & get beyond being a victim. Yet, I have trouble believing that'll ever happen, so instead of living life, I think of ending it.

That's about all I can say on this topic right now...my heart's racing & my thoughts are getting stirred up...and this is w/ typing anonymously to total strangers. Thanks for listening!