I have a long history of sexual abuse & incest - not an easy thing for me to admit. I blocked it out for years & have very few childhood or early adulthood memories. This bothers me...people who know me, I don't know them...being asked, "Do you remember..." & having to answer "no". I get confused whether the strong flashbacks & nightmares are real or if I'm making it all up.

A few months ago, I overdosed on my meds. Someone came to pick me up at the office where I'd just had the appt. I took the pills shortly before she got there. All I remember is getting into her car & then waking on a psych unit. The person who picked me up said I was talking. They had no idea I'd OD'd until a few hours later when I was acting strange. I also took off from the hospital ER & was picked up by cops. Much of this I don't recall; it's what I've been told by people who were there.

I've had therapists who believed I had a dissociative disorder, but w/ that diagnosis, I decided to stop therapy. I "space out" a lot, but not usually for such long periods of time. It's scary to not remember what others say you've done. The "zoning" has been occurring much more frequently, but I was also started on a different med while in the hospital.

I'm afraid b/c this can happen when I'm driving. I want to remember my life. I want to be able to handle stressful situations w/o running from them. This is my life, yet I feel like so much of it belongs to others.

Sorry for rambling...hope I'm making some sense. Thanks for listening.