I understand where you are coming from. Even after decades have passed, there are still things that will trigger me or words I just can't say. I grew up in a normal American family where things like this don't happen. I've quit asking myself why it had to be me because there is no point to that. It did happen and the only thing I knew to do was make an appointment with a t. It has taken me years to get to the level of peace I now have. I wish that the info had been out there when I was younger so I could have started treatment earlier but I am firm believer of everything happens for a reason. It may help you to write about it and let your t read it. I wish that I had one simple way to solve this for you but it doesn't work like that. I can send you positive thoughts and wish you the very best on this journey of yours. Keep the faith.