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Elysium · May 28, 2010, 06:55 PM

Well...no one here is trained to diagnose but some of the symptoms you mention do sound dissociative.

During the time of your OD, some of the memory issues, if not all, could be related to whatever drugs were in your system...but if you already have a history of dissociation it could have been a little bit of both.

I was just diagnosed with DID last year and finding out was one heck of a whopper even though I was the one that suspected "something" more was going on than just severe PTSD.

I can tell you're scared. Dissociation is a scary thing, but at one point it was wonderful for you because it helped you survive your horrible traumas that you have experienced. Now that you are grown, it is maladaptive as it interferes with your life and you have the ability to learn to cope with things without the dissociation.

I hate to say it...but if you want to remember your life, then the only way out is through. You can ignore it...whatever IT is, but all this will do is make it worse and in the end you won't remember things as much because you will keep using maladaptive coping skills.

My suggestion is to head back into T, one that you feel you trust, and one that has experience with dissociative disorders, and let them evaluate you. Let them know how afraid you are and slowly start working through your traumas. This is the only way you will get the life you seem to be seeking. Otherwise...avoid it...but it can be hell spending your life running from ghosts.

We're here for you!!